Saying goodbye

There are things that being an expatriate prepared me quite well for, such as: trying new foods, being flexible in situations where I don’t feel completely comfortable, and making do with what is on hand. However, considering the amount of times we had to say goodbye (to friends and family in the US before moving to France, to new found friends who were moving on to other expat assignments/back home, to friends and family who came to visit us while in France, to those same dear people at the end of return trips to the US, to all of our new friends upon our move from Clermont-Ferrand back to Greenville), I assumed saying goodbye now would be easier.

photo credit: Gunārs L.

 

The holidays have brought a whole round of goodbyes, each harder than the last. First, the house emptied of my husband’s family who had come to celebrate Christmas with us, and although I found some consolation in the fact that the next round of guests would soon be here, the boys had a much harder time understanding where all their cousins went. From a full house of storytellers, laps to sit in, buddies to chase, friends to hug, all of the sudden they had only me – overwhelmed with daily household chores that had been put on the back burner during “the holidays.”

"the tackle" photo credit: Gunārs L.

 

When we returned to Greenville after several years absence, a few friends went out of their way to make us feel comfortable and at home, welcoming us into playgroups and introducing us to other like-minded parents with children of similar ages. Our second goodbye came with the departure of one of those friends with her family for New Zealand, for the start of a new adventure. As they prepared to leave, packed and consolidated, we said goodbye; first there was the mom’s night out goodbye, the garage sale goodbye, then the Christmas brunch goodbye, the playdate goodbye… It is so very difficult to get closure but not extend goodbyes, and I found myself remembering our last weeks in Clermont with unease – saying goodbye was turning out to be harder on me than on my friend. It’s a selfish grief, stemming from that helpless and abandoned feeling from friends leaving you, with some jealousy mixed in, that it isn’t us headed to the storybook country. How to put aside all this selfishness and help our friends during the transition as they helped us? I’m afraid I failed miserably and barely managed to say goodbye without losing it completely… Sue, thanks for everything (including the bike which Lauris is getting tons of use out of!), and I wish you nothing but happiness and adventure on your journey.

Perfect sized mug for a cup of joe on a cold winter's day!

 

Then came saying goodbye to 2013, which honestly wasn’t that hard as it brought closure to an exciting year in addition to new visitors – my parents, all the way from Chicago. But they brought the final and hardest goodbye, as they got out of Dodge yesterday and headed back up north after taking an extra day or two to let the snow plows and tow trucks do their job. The house is empty and cold (literally and figuratively as South Carolina has been hit with the same cold front), and I’m having difficulties remaining optimistic not knowing when the boys/I will next see the grandparents/uncles/aunts/etc.

 

So, we jump into the mundane (the laundry, the grocery shopping, the chores of the New Year) and the not-so-mundane (the birthdays coming up require some attention…). We check in with the brother and sisters we didn’t see this holiday season, we wait to hear that the grandparents have made it home safe. And best of all, we plan. We dream about trips we might take, people we might see, places we would like to visit. We pencil in weekends on the calendar to travel and see family, and this is what eases the goodbyes; the house still feels empty and the boys are still a bit lost, but every time I pass my new bulletin board planning station I get excited about all the bonjours I’ll be saying in the coming year.

 

****

First wheels!

(Such a depressing post on a happy day! Today we’re celebrating my husband’s birthday, and I would like to wish a big blog bon anniversaire to mon amour! May the next year bring you much happiness!)

A spring cleansing

We had a blast showing my little sister all our favorite spots downtown last week, including the Mice on Main and all the various statues and fountains. We had checked out Falls Park and a tiny piece of the Swamp Rabbit Trail on Friday, so Saturday afternoon/evening we stuck to Main Street north of the Reedy River. It’s always fun seeing our town through a visitor’s eyes, but it can be even better to taste Greenville through the excuse of guests… Enter cheese fries, wings and burger, excellent fare for a spring evening after a long day of work.

 

How hard could our Saturday have been you ask, especially with ace-childcare specialist little sister in town? The morning started at six, as we struggled to unpack dozens of boxes of stuff onto our driveway for a good old-fashioned yard sale. Our two previous moves had been a little bit sudden, and as they both came on the heels of having a baby I might have been a little lax in sorting the essentials from the clutter. Along with spring came the urge to purge, and the past weeks had been spent going through boxes, cupboards, the shed and the closets, sorting our life into piles of “need,” “keep,” and “sell.” I convinced our neighbors on both sides to join in the fun, and after an ad in the local paper (much too expensive, will not be doing that again when our online ads pulled in a couple of hundred people) and some handmade signs out on Main Street we had a pretty decent yard sale, if I can say so myself.


The boys immediately appropriated items from the sale for themselves

 

With an hour to go until the official start of the sale the cars came pulling in, people demanding to see what had yet to be unpacked. It was the first weekend of sunny, warm weather, and I was a little sad not to be out hunting bargains myself, but the feeling of satisfaction over de-cluttering, and making room for some new furniture won out.

Z and Max Heller

 

My five lessons learned on having a yard sale:

1. Begin at 7am, because despite listing your start time as 8, people will be there at 7.

2. Every sale needs big ticket items to balance out the knick-knacks. We just happened to sell our biggest item a few days earlier on craigslist, but had enough medium sized stuff to draw people in. All of our CDs sold, books didn’t sell well at all.

3. Get your neighbors to join in, one-stop shopping is appealing to people, and it also adds variety.
4. Display things visibly, easy to peruse. We put our big, bulky electronics up on pallets, used a ton of cardboard boxes as tables, propped a curtain rod up on a ladder to hang clothes on, and sold the majority.
5. Price to sell. Of course you’ll have some bigger things that you want to get a certain amount for, but remember that you’ve taken the trouble to get it out of the house, and you want to keep it there.

 

 

PS. On our way home from downtown, we stumbled upon another type of sale. This enterprising artist was selling his work. When offered a choice between a piece of art for $1 or for 3 cents, we chose the more expensive of the two and walked away with a portrait of a sea monster. More importantly, we made a mother’s day. Apparently selling art is more difficult than selling lemonade… I think the sea monster will go next to the portrait of Lauris we commissioned in Amsterdam on Queen's Day.

 

PSS. Anyone want to buy a great wooden desk? It's solid (code for weighs a ton), is an antique (read: old) and could be a great drafting or work table (aka very large!). Still has the typewriter slide!!! Yours for a bargain :)

 

Packing for a move to temporary housing

It seems that I should be a professional by now at moving, as I’ve gone through the process enough times by now. Yet no matter how accustomed I believe myself to be to the transition process and all the little details that go with it, there are always a few things I forget, something that surprises me or that sense of déjà vu when I realize the exact same thing happened on the previous move.

We learned to pack for a few months on our previous two moves. The shipment with our belongings would have been delivered a month later, but as we were still in temporary housing and didn’t want to have to move all our belongings an additional time, we requested for the shipment to be stored until we found a more permanent home. In France Lauris managed to outgrow almost every single article of clothing I had packed during those six months we waited on our apartment, and I had to buy a winter coat as I somehow ended up in Clermont-Ferrand with nothing warmer than a fleece during the winter months. Before that, when we moved to South Carolina the first time, we made quite a few purchases for the temporary apartment as we searched for a house and awaited our belongings. So before the move I sent Roberts ahead with a few extra suitcases that then awaited us here, and although we might end up not using some of the things packed within them, we have had very little that we miss from the container that is currently somewhere on the Atlantic.

Here is a list of things to remember when making your big move!

For the kids:

Clothes a few sizes larger and for different seasons. Children’s clothes are expensive, as are shoes and coats. We learned the hard way on our last move, and this time we are prepared for autumn and for Mikus outgrowing his 9-12 month clothes at 7 months.

Toys: We packed Lauris’s backpack and the diaper bag with a few toys for the plane ride, but one of the suitcases we sent ahead of time was packed with toys, including a blow up play area for Mikus so I would have a place to put him down while he is learning to sit, and a doorway swing so that I can get things done. Soon he will have outgrown both, but we’ve gotten plenty of use out of both and they took up relatively little space. And for Lauris, having a multitude of cars, trains, puzzles and books has been wonderful, as it’s hot outside, so we’ve spent too much time in this apartment.

Extra sippy cups, plastic plates and utensils: Bringing these things has given Lauris a sense of continuity during the transition, and they really don’t take up that much space or weigh that much in your luggage. The apartment here had nothing suitable for a toddler or baby other than a travel bed for Mikus, so the dishes are used every day.

For the kitchen: (and these are some things that I wish I had brought on the previous three moves!

Kitchen knives: The temporary apartments we have stayed in have been furnished, and although it’s great that we don’t have to lug sheets, towels and plates in our carry-on luggage, some things just aren’t functional. Currently I’m using two Swiss army knives to cut everything from fruit and vegetables to meat and potatoes.

Measuring cup and spoons: They don’t take up a lot of space, and especially if you are switching countries (and therefore going from metric to feet) you might want them for your favorite recipes. Plus, the cup can always find a different use if the temporary apartment has one, for example it can be a sugar cup, or a vase, or even a bath toy for les petites.

Wooden spoon and a good spatula: If you’re planning on taking advantage of being in transition to frequently eat out, I wouldn’t worry as much about the kitchen stuff. However, with all the things to do during the day I would rather eat a nice dinner at home, and so we are cooking up some typical American comfort food in the evenings as a “welcome back to the US” (where you can buy things like mac and cheese, hot dogs, peanut butter and waffles!!!). I’m finding the pots here completely adequate, but the plastic spoons and spatulas have already failed. I remember the same thing happening in Clermont-Ferrand when we moved there, and I wish I had thought to pack a few more things for the kitchen, just to make life in transition a little bit easier.

Improvisation is key! No cookie rack, no problem! (Rack from oven)

For us:

An external hard drive: On our previous moves we’ve taken only laptops in our baggage, with a few jump drives that have files we think we’ll need on them. This time we took our external hard drive as well, and the access to all those documents that you didn’t think you would need has been great. The old spreadsheet that has those addresses I was looking for, the photographs from a few years back that I wanted for a blog post, and best of all, it serves as one more back-up in case something happens to the actual hard drive on the way across the ocean. This is the model we have that has served us well: 

All those electronics accessories: We’ve gotten somewhat used to carting around all our charging cords and memory sticks when we travel, but there are a few things definitely to be remembered to pack in your luggage, such as rechargeable batteries and charger, SD card reader, voltage adapters if you’re traveling overseas. I have a European voltage plug and an American plug for my iPad, and luckily I located the American plug and packed that, along with the correct camera battery charger.

Off-season items of clothing: Although I tried to think in layers when packing my suitcase, I was ill-prepared for a winter in France on a previous move. This time we sent ahead winter coats, hats and gloves, just in case. Although I really, really hope we’ve found our permanent lodging by wintertime!

Maps, language dictionaries, paperwork: Depending on where you are relocating, remember to take any books or maps that will help you with the local terrain. Whether simply a road map or maybe you are moving overseas and you need help with translation, the best resources are those that are available and easy to use. And second copies of all paperwork come in handy when things have been lost in the mail, lost in translation or simply lost. We traveled with medical records, birth certificates and translations of birth certificates in addition to our passports, driver’s license and other official paperwork. I also made sure to pack things like my American checkbook, store loyalty cards and some American money.

Fresh flowers make me happy! Notice the blender vase...

I asked my husband what/if anything I should add to the list. To sum up his response (and I believe he’s currently reading a WWII memoir): the immediate concerns during D-Day (after survival) were 1) to set up communications, 2) transportation inland and the 3) strategy/destination. Should I be concerned he was comparing our move to a wartime invasion?

Sooooo…. (and hubby, please correct me if I’ve translated this wrong!)

Communication: Keep your mobile handy. We had a charged trac-phone waiting for us, as our French cellphones don’t work in the US. A trac-phone is a great alternative to immediately signing a cellphone plan, as it is a small initial investment and you can buy additional minutes as needed.

Transportation: Have arrangements made to ensure you are mobile, a rental or borrowed car and a map if needed. If you do have a smart phone and access to mapping software and yellow pages, great, if not be prepared for possible snags with back-up plans.

Strategy/destination: Lay your groundwork previous to travel. Establish contacts that can help with anything from making a few phone calls for you or restaurant recommendations, to inviting you over for dinner or watching the children while you search for houses with a realtor. Transition can be unpleasant, but it doesn’t have to be. With proper preparations and planning it’s easy to make your temporary lodgings a home until you find a more permanent one.

L'appartement!

Wonderful things kept happening this past week, great to be on a good luck streak! The new car, the œufs blancs, and now on our stroll through Jardin LeCoq we saved about two dozen tulip bulbs (they were about to be discarded!)! It has been a long time since I last attended Garfield Park Conservatory’s TulipMania, a fabulous way to stock a garden; every year the City of Chicago and the Chicago Park District plant thousands of tulips, and once they have finished blooming, the GPC gives them away for free. As of now a date hasn’t been scheduled, but it is usually on a Saturday in May, so check the website for a date and more info.
 

I’ll admit that although the two dozen free bulbs to tuck into pots for our porch next spring is a wonderful thing, this is not the biggest news that has me jumping for joy.

Many have listened and been incredibly sympathetic and helpful concerning our soap opera of finding and waiting out the renovations on our apartment in Clermont-Ferrand. Upon arrival last November, it was a tough time of year to be searching because no one was moving due to the Christmas vacation approaching. We were concentrating in centre ville on apartments with an elevator and just enough space for guests. Right when it seemed we would not find anything before our trip back to the States for Christmas, we found a great apartment; very central, with a grocery store close by, an open living area conducive to playtime, with bedrooms that could accommodate an American king size bed. A great view as well, Puy de Dôme and Place de Jaude were visible from the balcony. There were renovations ongoing to convert it from a travel bureau to a private dwelling, and we were promised a move in date of January 3.

The view west

Well, we returned from the States with bad news; the apartment would not be available until March 15^th due to hold-ups with the renovations. We debated whether to wait, and eventually decided that another couple of months would be hard, but the apartment was just so much better than anything else we had looked at. When inquiring about signing a contract we originally had been told by our agent that this is not necessary, but now we pressed the issue again.

At some point in February/March we were told that we would not be able to have the apartment after all, and so we started looking anew. But every apartment we looked at stood in the shadow of the apartment. So when we were told that we could have it after all, but it would be April 15^th before we could move in, we reevaluated the situation again. Having waited this long, we felt one more month would be worth it, but we decided to continue our search in the meantime. Then finally came a point when we were able to negotiate a contract signing, but about 15 minutes before the meeting they informed us that the price of the apartment had been increased… At this point the increase was not the problem, it was the principle of the matter; we had waited so long only to have another gauntlet to run! But we judged the additional renovations worth the increase and we signed, and the delivery of our shipment was again rescheduled.

The week before we were supposed to move in we toured the apartment. And I think I cried. The kitchen and bathroom were finished, but where they had done electrical work to remove the fifty electrical outlets for office computers the wallpaper was torn and filthy. The painting wasn’t finished, and in one bedroom a pipe had burst and the carpet was still wet! There was no way we were moving in a few days later… We were promised everything would be ready in one week, but the movers weren’t able to reschedule.  So we settled on the second of May, a Tuesday.

The weeks before the move we closely monitored the situation; we visited the apartment almost every day to watch the progress, with calls to agents to stay on top of things. But yet again we were met with a delay in getting the keys as discussed. This seemed to be the final straw and we scheduled a meeting at the apartment Monday to ascertain the situation. By this time we were starting to feel pressure to move out from our temporary apartment so another expatriated family could move in, after all it had been six months!

The first piece of good news in this whole final push came Monday, when the agent saw the wallpaper was mostly finished and declared that we could move our things in Tuesday after all. First thing in the morning the movers unloaded all of our belongings that we had not seen since October and by 4pm we were alone in an apartment overflowing with boxes

The view east

The one bedroom is still not ready; the pipe has been removed but not replaced (we are taking bets on what  will come out of the pipe before they fix it), the carpet is not installed, the wallpaper is not finished, but the rest of the apartment is ours. Yesterday was spent cleaning, we've started the unpacking, and the process continues each day anew. Once again the Latvian proverb labs nāk ar gaidīšanu or “good comes with a wait” proved to be true; despite the slight, lingering odor of paint and the boxes in every corner, we can see how beautiful it is, how comfortable we will be living there and how happy our family will be for the remainder of our time in France.

La voiture!

For the first month in France we had a company-provided rental car. The second, we were partly on Christmas vacation, the other part getting settled. But nearly six months in and no car? Looking back, we would have approached it more aggressively!

We live in the city and walk everywhere (supermarket, shopping, work for Roberts) have a convenient tram line, and on weekends enjoy the allure of train travel (Paris, Lyon, Vichy). On other weekends (Chatanet, Allier/Loire valley, Gorges of Tarn), we have rented a car from Europcar. But looking forward, even at the start of our time in France, we knew we would be taking more frequent day trips, weekend trips, and we could not keep relying on the kindness of friends for transport to mom/baby clubs and work functions.

Among the many vehicles we investigated, we found a Ford Mondeo at the local dealer a few months ago. Then the salesman insisted we needed to agree on a price before test-driving the car. Huh?

We also found a Passat that was just about perfect, and even took it for a test drive, but waited one day too long and it was sold. The lesson here is that if you have done your research you have to trust your gut; we missed a fair price on a good vehicle. Next time!

And so, when Roberts found this Mondeo on Tam Tam, the intra-company selling/buying site, he surprised us by acting quickly - and came home with the car the next day.

Happiness, contentedness, the stars aligning – I can explain it in many ways. Henry Ford said about his Model T that you could have any color as long as it was black. We would have settled for any black or any color, but this baltic blue looks perfect, mainly because we finally have a car for our family.