Friday, June 29, 2012

No More Bad Photos

This is day 11, the second week of solitary confinement with a toddler and an infant while my husband is abroad. Everyone is still alive.

Lauris has run over Mikus once with the scooter, once with the tricycle, and once with a chair when I had taken the first two away. He has climbed out of his bed 231 times (calculated by multiplying yesterday’s count by 11). He has spilled his juice, dropped his ice cream, and gone digging in the kittie litter box.

Mikus has started to crawl, more like inchworm his way across the floor. He has slept less than ever, waking up earlier, staying up later. This could be due to the heatwave but probably has more to do with his brother giving him a wake-up-call (a lion’s roar right in the ear) when he does fall asleep. An infant, acting alone, has produced two monster loads of laundry.

Me? I have cried out of frustration, anger, fatigue and for no reason at all. My showers consist of one minute affairs as I try to keep Lauris away from Mikus, and Mikus from screaming away those last shreds of my patience. I am on a great diet; it’s called I don’t have time or the energy to eat. And when I do get out of the house it’s a free ticket for both boys to become unmanageable, for passers-by to give me ‘that’ look (the “my children never act like that,” “how can she leave the house,” “évidemment une femme américaine” look). I would love to eat a meal uninterrupted or go shop some of the soldes; but I will settle for washing my hair.
 

This is me in 2003. It was my last year earning my degree in forestry at University of Illinois. I was a member of the Illini Foresters; we attended conclaves (forestry competitions) in other states, participated in log-rolling contests, built giant bonfires, camped out in the winter during our Christmas tree sale fundraiser and generally were a tough, party-hard/work hard crew just starting our lives as adults. The extremely out-of-focus picture was taken on our very last trip as a group, a ten hour road trip to Michigan’s upper peninsula (UP) - I’m chopping away at a 4x8 post in the speed-chop competition. Today I’m sharing this picture and submitting this post to the “No More Bad Photos” competition at In Search of a Life Less Ordinary.

I wish I could recapture this moment, as it is probably the last picture taken of the old me, the care-free girl with a smile on my face and the axe in my hands. I was tough! I didn’t win the speed chop that day, but I finished and set a personal best. This picture represents the girl who would become a wildland firefighter, dreamt of hiking the Appalachian Trail and was convinced Alaska would be the life for her. Not a trace in the picture of a stay-at-home mother living in an apartment in central France – who would have known?

These days I have a harder time finding that girl in the person I am now. Some things haven’t changed since my forestry/firefighting days (two weeks without a real shower) but mostly my life is the opposite of those days ten years ago.  I’m washing my laundry not to get the sweat and blood out, but to wash the spit-up off. I’m not buckling myself into a harness to hang out of a helicopter; I’m buckling two squirming noodles into car seats. And I’m having a hard time feeling “tough” when a mere two weeks sans husband have me wrecked.

Thankfully, this is it. This is day 11 of my husband’s trip to the US, and this is the day he comes home. It is with the relief of an ordeal survived that I’m looking at that picture and seeing that girl I used to be. I wish I had a good photo of my achievement that day in the UP, because despite the occasional longings of an expat mom I know that the things I see in that picture are what have brought me here today. Strength, determination and a healthy dose of no fear are the traits that have ensured my happiness and success, and will continue to enrich my life as a mother, a wife and a woman on a journey.

In search of a life less ordinary


* Thanks to Russell Ward at In Search of a Life Less Ordinary: Adventures in Making a Home Away from Home, for hosting the No More Bad Photos competition.

** Update 07/02/2012
This essay took first place in the In Search of a Life Less Ordinary competition! Here's the announcement, and a huge thanks to Russell and his wife for awarding me this honor (and the awesome prize of a new Sony camera)!

15 comments:

  1. This is amazing. I just started following your blog not that long ago and then I find out you graduated from the UofI with a degree in Forestry. So did I but in 1997. I still actually work at there. Anyway love the blog.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words. It is a small world, you never know where someone might shout "I-L-L" at you! How is Edge? Were you an Illini Forester? Glad you found me, see you around!

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    2. Yep I was an Illini Forester... good times. Ah the Christmas tree sales :)If you haven't been back this way in awhile a lot has changed. Lot's of new buildings on campus. Green street redone a lot. Zorba's burned down. They rebuilt it though. Thus ends the report from your old stomping grounds.

      Note: blogger really needs an edit comment button to fix typos :)

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    3. Nope, haven't been back in a while - no direct flights from Clermont to CU. Thanks for the report!

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  2. Oh Liene, you darling girl. You've had a tough trot. I really feel for you. I hope you can have a little rest once he returns. Sending you a huge ♥ J x

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Off right now to check out the other participants in PotM, this weekend is about relaxing and taking a break!

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  3. Liene, I really loved this essay about where you are, and where you have come from! The picture is really cute, and I really loved hearing about your former life-- you are a tough lady, even if life doesn't feel so extreme anymore-- no one really tells us how challenging parenthood will be, especially away from family and old friends who would be our support systems.

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    1. Thanks Ariana - I remember your post on alienation really resonated with me, you look at some of these expat issues with a very eloquent, observant and objective eye. But you can be honest about the picture, I won't be mad!

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  4. Hey Liene, thanks for entering the comp. I love the power of this post - and how we often end up in a place we never expected. I'm about to become a Dad soon and experience all the wonders of survival in a small house with a screaming child. I'll be seeking advice from you, for sure! Added to that, I'll also be a country different to the one of my birth. It will be a challenge no doubt.

    Best of luck in the comp :)

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    1. Thanks Russell. Enjoy this time before the arrival of your next family member - it is a very special time, not only because it is the last time you'll be able to get a good night of rest without leaving the country, but the changes, anticipation, excitement about the future all are so wonderful! I'm looking forward to reading about your addition!

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  5. Big congrats, Liene :)

    I think you should probably head over to here - http://www.insearchofalifelessordinary.com/2012/07/announcing-no-more-bad-photos.html

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  6. What a great post Liene and a big Congrats on winning! When the husbands are away it becomes less about motherhood and more about survival. Every morning was just a countdown in my head, "only X more days...". I loved that picture and the story behind it. I never pictured myself living in central France either. Sometimes I guess you just never know.

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  7. This is a great photo, and really funny in many ways! Where do you live in central France?
    I know France quite well but have ended up living in Jamaica for the past 20 plus years! If you want to know more about life on this crazy island you can check out my blog at petchary.wordpress.com. I thought this was a great competition that Russell started - I never got round to entering myself but it's a cool idea! All the best...

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  8. Mīļā Lienīte - raudāju lasot tavu rakstu - esi savu sirdi tajā ielējusi un to var uzreiz manīt. APSVEICU ar godalgu - tavas dēkas ir tikai sākušās un varēsi ar jauno fotoaperātu tās dokumentēt!

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